


Lifetime

by storm_dog_pirate



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, another quick piece, because angst, i bring pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:15:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24880672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storm_dog_pirate/pseuds/storm_dog_pirate
Summary: "Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?"
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Ben&Ben's song titled Lifetime.

“Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?”

It was that question that stopped Zoya on her tracks. She turned around to face Nikolai, expecting to see a challenging look that he always had whenever they talked about something they both knew would lead to an argument. 

But now, she could only see pain and sadness in his eyes. One look at them told her everything she needed to know. Finally, his eyes held nothing but the truth—the yearning he only had for her. 

Her breath caught. Everything faded around her, focusing on the man right in front of her, and Zoya was painfully reminded of how much she felt for him, from all those looks and touches, from all those moments alone, from all the things they’d been through. 

It would be so easy to tell him—

The impulse of telling him the truth was what stopped her from trying entirely. They couldn’t afford this between them.

_Buried feelings grow._

Zoya blinked. The answer stayed on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be set free. But she didn’t dare let it out of her mouth, because she knew what would happen if she did. The consequences would be grave; she knew Nikolai. She knew him well enough, and sometimes she wished she didn’t. She wished she didn’t know him by heart. 

Perhaps it would have been easier to bear when she watched Nikolai walk down that aisle towards someone that wasn’t _her._

_Secrets turn into regrets._

_Yes,_ Zoya desperately wanted to say. “No,” was what she replied instead, trying to keep her voice from breaking and betraying her feelings. 

A look of hurt flashed on his face, and merely looking at him felt like a knife cutting through her heart. Ravka was on the brink of failing. Ravka needed to be saved. Ravka _always_ came first. _Despise your heart._

Zoya turned her attention to his left hand, seeing the gold band on his ring finger glinting against the light. It was what she needed to remind her of the reality they were in. The reality that always had been and always will be, even if they were honest with their feelings to each other.

She shook her head. “I don’t think so, Nikolai.”

With that, Zoya turned around and left, not trusting herself to maintain her composure if she stayed a second more. 

_This is for the best,_ she told herself, and would continue to do until she convinced herself. 

Even if Zoya spent her whole life trying to.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a really quick piece I just had the adrenaline to write. HSDAFLKJASDF forgive me for any mistakes.


End file.
